A Fruits Basket About Nothing
by DyloniusFunk
Summary: [OneShot]SeinfieldFruba Crossover. The gang of Fruba as the characters on the hit NBC Sitcom. Tohru, Akito,Yuki, Ayame, and Kyo. Rated T for mild sexual inuendo PLEASE R&R First parody attempt


Hello. This story didn't seem to go over well in the Fruits Basket section, so I thought I would try it here. I wasn't sure if it fit better in Anime Crossovers or TV Crossovers but since it required some knowledge of the Fruba cast I decided to move it here. It's a Fruba/Seinfield cross. Hope you enjoy and please review.

* * *

_What is the deal with the Zodiac anyway? And why wasn't the cat allowed to join? The other's have allergies?_ the young gray haired man thought as he walked down the hall towards his apartment. He had no idea why he was suddenly thinking about the Chinese Zodiac, but figured he could make it work in his stand up act. Overall, it was another normal day for Yuki Seinfield. Suddenly he saw the last person he wanted to have to deal with. About 50 pounds overweight, the creature wrapped in US Post Office garb stood in front of his apartment door, eyeing Yuki as he approached. Yuki sighed, and knew he would have to pass by him to get home. He couldn't stand the creature. A viscous, greedy, smelly beast, and that was at the best of times. Unfortunately he had to deal with him at times because he was friends with one of Yuki's friend, Ayame Kramer. Picking up the pace he walked past the fat orange haired man, muttering the same words they muttered every time they ran across each other. "Hello Yuki!" "Hello Kyo" and leaving it at that, went their separate ways. Yuki sighed and unlocked his apartment door. He checked his machine, and saw that there were messages. There was one from his agent, saying that he was booked at the Broadway Chuckle Hut for a gig next week. There was also a message from his friend Elaine Honda, saying that she was going to stop by later that day. Yuki didn't mind, he enjoyed Elaine's company, and at least she announced when she might be coming back, unlike certain people who just walk in without…

SLAM

He cringed, knowing that sound "Hello Yuki, fine weather we're having today" said the always energetic voice of his friend Ayame Kramer. A large man, Ayamae had grayish hair and it always seemed to be puffed on the top, as if he never combed it. Ayame was a good guy, but it seemed like he always had some scheme to get rich or what have you. Lately he had been trying to convince Yuki to join him in his new clothing store. Only it wasn't so much clothing as it was costumes. And not so much costumes as maid outfits and the like. Ayame said he was a "purveyor of men's romance and peddler of fantasies". To Yuki the whole thing seemed like the kind of stuff you would only see people buying who went to lots of anime conventions. Luckily he didn't start on the sales pitch this time, but went straight to the fridge. Yuki sighed again, which is something he did quite a bit around his friends. The door to the apartment opened and another of his pals came in, very slow and steady in his walk. He took a good long look around the place, then stopped, as if he had something dead serious to say. This was Yuki's good friend, Akito Costanza. Akito is, to be polite, not the best looking of men. The shortest one in the group, he has black hair that is long on the sides but massively balding on top. He is also incredible overweight, and this doesn't help his relationships any. _Can't wait to hear how this date turned out._

"Hey Akito how did your date go last night" Yuki asked. Akito sighed and said "well it started out fine. Then we got back to her place. And you know, we're getting it on, a little of this and a little of that"

"I hear ya"

"Then I discover, she's a **_hanger"_**

Yuki can't help but laugh at this. Akito had the ability to find the tiniest flaws in women. Yuki knew he couldn't complain since he could be just as bad sometimes. Still this was a new one.

"A hanger?"

"well we were kissing, and every time she would press on my mouth, she wrapped her lips around mine and would just hang there for a couple of seconds."  
"Oh you mean a sucker"

"oh no. I know a sucker. A sucker sucks, with actual movement. A hanger just stays there for a second or two. There is a distinct difference"

"And you don't hang with the hanging?"

"NOT HANGING WITH THE HANGING YUK!"

Suddenly Ayame turned his head away from the refrigerator and piped in "You know I once dated a girl who had like every bad habit a girl could do all in one. A clinger, sucker, hanger, high looking, low looker, etc etc." Yuki knew he might regret it but he had to ask 'So which one of those annoying habits was the one you dumped her over"

"Actually it wasn't anything like that, it was the fact she was actually a man. And we still went out for a couple weeks after I found out." Ayame said rather matter-of-fact like as he went back to hunting through the refrigerator. You would think that would make things awkward, but for Yuki and Akito, it was a normal thing for Ayame to say.

"so are you gonna break up with her?" Yuki asked Akito

"Well not right away. I'll give it another couple of dates, see if I can get used to the hanging. But I don't think I can do it Yuk. I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH DAMMIT!" Luckily at that point the buzzer rang and Yuki went over to see who it was.

"Hey Yuk It's me Elaine"

"Ok I'll buzz you in"

Akito turned to Yuki and said" hey have you spoken to Kyo lately? I heard he's got some new plan to get rich and show you up once and for all. Something about Japan and cartoons. At the sound of the word Japan, Ayame piped up " Oh yeah Yuk, it's something me and him are collaborating on it's…" but he was unable to finish as Elaine came in with a dramatic entrance.

"I am officially a pariah at work" she began

Akito, always wanting to be first to speak interrupted her with

"Hey Elaine, have you ever dated a hanger?"

"No. I dated a sucker once.

"Not helpful Elaine not helpful at all."

"Actually the sucker I didn't mind so much since he tended to do most of his sucking downstairs"

"If that was the problem for me, you wouldn't hear me complaining" muttered Akito "All right people I am off. Have to see Steinbrener again today. Something about massive layoffs in every department. The man needs a hobby or something, he seems to only get joy form firing people"

"Still pissed off about the whole losing to the red Sox at last years series?" Elaine asked

"Yeah" Akito said "I mean it's been a year now I don't see what he's problem is"

"I know what you mean" said Yuki "I mean it's not like his team of a bunch of the highest paid and highest ranked players in the MLB not only managed to blow a three game lead and get swept in 4 games. Add insult to injury the fact that the Red Sox then went and swept the Cardinals in 4 games to win the Series after an 86 year drought. I mean I honestly can't see his problem"

"Same here" Akito said "Well I better get going. I don't want him taking his issues with Tory out on me" and with that the fat man walked out of the apartment.

"Anyway as I was saying, they officially hate me at work now'

Why's that?" asked Yuki

"Well our office was given special tickets for an advanced screening of the new Special Edition DVD of Titanic because of special work we did for Paramount. Well the entire department gets to go. Now I didn't cry when I saw this film in the theater or when I rented it on VHS. Somehow I doubted that the new super cleaned up DVD edition would make change my mind. And sure enough, it was cheap, schlock for easily emotionally manipulated women, just as it was back then. And of course my co-workers noticed I was bawling like some over-hormone twit. I tell ya Yuk, I'm not taking the kind of crap I took over the English Patient."

"Personally I liked Titanic. Of course the first time I saw it I immediately made love to the girl I was going out with after the film, so that might have something to do with my affection for the film" Yuki said

"Thanks Yuk, that helps a lot" said Elaine with just a hint of sarcasm

"I tell ya, American television is DEAD DEAD DEAD. That's why Kyo and I are working on getting into the Japanese market while the getting's good. We got motivated by seeing you and Akito try to get your 'Yuki' pilot picked up by NBC. And sure enough we got asked to do a face to face with a studio. We leave for Japan tomorrow." Ayame said, unable to hold in his news any longer.

"Great, so you and Kyo are gonna be working together. What kind of script is it?" asked Yuki

"See that's the great thing. I got the idea by you saying that your idea for 'Yuki' is that it be a show about nothing. Well I watched some of the cartoons coming out of Japan these days and realized, I could do a cartoon about nothing, and the kids would eat it up like Monica Lewinsky at Bill Clinton's birthday party"

"You realize that I've seen of the stuff that the Japanese make, and they call it anime by the way. A lot of it is pretty good, in fact a lot of it is superior to a lot of American Animation." said Yuki, getting a bit tired at his friends newest scheme

" Doesn't matter. There are still plenty of clichés and overused ideas like any other genre. My plan is to make a show that maximizes the most desired elements of anime in a easy to digest package. Everything that a modern audience could want, and without a nasty plot to get in the way"

"Let me see this" said Yuki as he grabbed the script that Ayame was waving around. After flipping through it for a few minutes, he turned to Ayame and said.

"Ayame, this is a script of nothing but random giant robot fights, men with spiky blond hair having massive constipation for like several minutes so there 'Powers' can charge, poor saps accidentally walking into the women's shower/hot spring, and with not chance to explain getting the crap kicked out of them, men and women in actual relationships, couples who are to stupid to realize they're couples, creatures of various sorts fighting each other, men being fought over by groups of women , and the occasional women-meets tentacle story.

"Yes isn't it great All the elements of the popular anime, without an actual plot. It's the anime about nothing" Ayame piped up, like he couldn't be prouder.

"never mind. Lets go I got to get something to eat"

"Ok I need to pack anyway. I wonder how cold it can get in Japan?" Ayame muttered to himself as he left the apartment

"yeah I got to get back to work" Elaine said "Got to try to convince those estrogen poisoned morons at work I'm not a lesbian because I don't fall for the same crap they trap they do" she said bitterly as she walked out.

All Yuki could do at this point was smile and think to himself _This is all going into the act_


End file.
